Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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