You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
