Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
