Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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