He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
