Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
