You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
