He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
