i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
