i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
