I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
