i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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