My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
