I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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