Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
