Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
