I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
