apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
