coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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