There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
