So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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