No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
