finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
