it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
