Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
