In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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