i just had sex bonerless
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
