you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
