the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
