So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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