get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is it penis luge time yet?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
