WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
