my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
