how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
