I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
