1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
