Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
