the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
