Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He has the fingertips of a God
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
