Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is wine microwaveable?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I pour the whiskey from now on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
