Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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