marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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