life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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