I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
