i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
