Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
