Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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