I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
