Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
