Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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